Hoi Polloi

My first Jordanniversary

2011-04-30T08:18:00.002-04:00

I'm currently sitting on the ground watching my car get detailed. My body is still reeling from an evening of drinking that can only be deemed spectacularly poorly executed and all I can think is that tomorrow I will turn 23.

My first Jordanniversary, the second is of course at age 45 but no one cares about that one.

My 22nd year saw me at my worst. Fat, lazy and directionless. As ever, I survived on the backs of my family and closest friends. Finally, in July of last year, I realized I was drifting and set out to change some things.

I'm on my way but certainly not done. Down 35 pounds but aiming to be down 25 more in the coming months. My medium term goal of being down 60 pounds from my ridiculously fat stage is in reach. But I have more to do, which is where this post comes in.

I'm going to make an account here, in public*, so that I may be held accountable for failing at these claims.

1. Lose the aforementioned 25 lbs.
2. I will gain at least a journeyman's mastery of Adobe Flash and Illustrator.
3. I will begin learning the processes of modern web design
4. Water will remain by chief method of hydration, other beverages will be limited as follows:
a. I will allow myself up to two sodas a month.
b. In situations where alcohol is involved, I will limit myself to one drink every two hours.
c. I will learn how to properly brew tea that is sweetened with homey.
5. I will not get fast food more than once a week. I will put heavy emphasis on trying not to eat it ever.
6. By August I will be swimming 2 miles daily. Without bitching about it.
7. I will hit a home run.
8. I will disregard number 7.
9. I will remember to post the new photo credits document every Sunday, or else Lawrence will be permitted to kick me in the neck.**
10. I will read more. Starting by reading every book in my Nook library then moving on to recommendations.
11. Less Sportscenter.
12. Get around to picking secondary baseball team and primary Premier League team to support.
13. Despite prodigious man-crush on Didier Drogba, do not pick Chelsea.
14. Go hiking when I say I will.
15. Be better all around. Vague? Yes. But like pornography, you'll know it when you see it.

Any suggestions for the Jordanniversary list are welcome. Also book recommendations will be saved for rainy day.

*Does it truly count as public if no one is here to see it?
**If it is necessary a surrogate, henceforth referred to as "Andy", will take the neck kick in my stead.

Day 14

2011-04-14T21:31:00.002-04:00

This one may come in short, but that's ok because I have a question for you:
What would you do if someone offered you this deal:
You would offer up the last 3 years of life and in exchange you would never be bitten by an insect* ever again.

Before you answer consider the following:
You would never be bitten by a mosquito.
Never again would you have to worry about the itchy, awful, mess of horror that is a mosquito bite. No bites leading to malaria, no bites leading to yellow fever. You could spend all summer in Florida and not get mutilated by the winged hell-beasts that fly in swarms and live off your blood.

You also couldn't get bitten by spiders!** No more necrotic venom slipping through your veins and eating away your skin because a brown recluse decide to nibble some knee. No more neurotoxins assaulting your motor functions because a black widow thought you were a threat.

You wouldn't need to be arachnophobic or apiphobic or entomophobic ever again.

But best of all, ants couldn't bite you ever again! No more would you live in the world of ants we currently struggle. You may say, "what are you talking about? Will Smith taught us that Earth is OUR planet."

Common belief on this subject Is wrong: there are 1.6 million ants per person on "our" planet. They're the dominant species and are also terrifying and mean. We're lice on the Earth's skin, ants are cells in its body.

So three years seems a fair price to pay for a life free of insect horrors. It would also be very important if you wanted to be a rebel leader in the human uprising against the ants when they take over.

*This isn't a biological blog, insect includes arachnids.
** This deserves an exclamation point. Spiders suck.

Hungry number 13.

2011-04-13T19:06:00.001-04:00

Florida doesn’t have summer.

It’s too long and too hot to call it summer.

Florida has 6 days of winter, which suck, and then the world catches fire and every bit of blacktop begins its annual quest to murder you.

Our six days of winter are up, this year it was much colder than normal, and may have lasted 8 days instead of the usual 6. We have been spoiled and are not prepared for the sun-hot hell that is approaching at break-neck speeds.

Some will say I am exaggerating. They are liars. They work for the asphalt.

If someone tells you it isn’t that hot out and people just need to toughen up, cut ties with them forever as they’re clearly trying to kill you to get control of your fiefdom.

Moving on…

I am currently in the throes of my first-ever vegetable garden. Father and I planted the seedlings a few weeks ago and have been dutifully loving it (note: does it make anyone else spectacularly uncomfortable when someone calls their dad “father”? It should be outlawed. I may continue doing it to make my reader(s*) uncomfortable.)

It is not environmentally driven, so I can’t get dogmatic about it. We’re growing vegetables because buying vegetables is ineffective. You have to buy more than you need and you inevitably end up wasting half a head of lettuce or a rabbit’s fantasy of carrots. (The latter is a scientific measurement.)

Once the garden is in bloom…if that ever happens…I will post the results here. We planted in what is considered the third best time to plant…out of four times.

We planted vegetables suited for this time of year and we have been attentive to them, so I feel we have a solid chance of succeeding, but it’s best not to get ones hopes up.

Spring is the time for new birth and new vegetables.

Entering phase 3: Truism # 1: Cook your meat with the bone in.

This is a recent discovery, but it really does lend much richer and deeper flavors to what’s been made so far.

As a carnivore, this is very important to me. Kaley drew a proper comparison between the two of us today: we were walking through Williams-Sonoma and I found a cookbook called “Cooking From The Farmer’s Market” and pointed out, rightly, that it is the perfect book for Kaley who relishes fresh and loves cool foods.

Near it, there was a book called “The Meat Bible” which Kaley called my book, and I cannot disagree. I love all types of meat and I like it in big cuts. Which she hates. That dichotomy is what makes us work as a couple: We push each other in many ways, food is my favorite one of them.

She pushes me to eat more salads, embrace vegetables and fresher options and I encourage her to embrace decadent foods that are purely based on taste and experience.

Together we find very good meals. Which is the magic of a good relationship distilled into food terms.

If you want to be happy, find the person who can learn what you like to eat and help you find the perfect compliment to it.

*The “s” feels optimistic.

Day 12

2011-04-12T18:37:00.001-04:00

Having just eaten breakfast for dinner, the golden meal, I have only one thing I could even remotely consider writing: Diners.

Diners are not halls of haute cuisine. You will not have a meal that changes your life.

What you’ll have will be overly salted, greasy to the point of mockery and, inevitably, good enough to make the first two items into pros, not cons.

What separates a good diner from a bad one?

First, and most important, is eggs. Eggs are impossibly hard to screw up, and there isn’t a big difference between an over-easy egg that’s been made well and one that’s been made poorly.

That small difference can completely define a meal.

A perfect egg is a wonder. Simple and delicious with all the savory notes that some entire meals strive for but rarely achieve.

A diner that can fry you a perfect egg is a diner that will never go out of business.

Second comes the diner itself. If it is too clean: the food sucks. If it is too dirty: who cares how good the food is, it’s a hellhole and you won’t enjoy the food because it’s awful. Also, the food will suck.

A good diner is something you can feel when you walk in. You know exactly how the rye toast will taste and that you’ll need to put a bit more salt on the hash browns.

Orlando has a fair share of good diners. The Winter Park Diner over on Fairbanks is my favorite.

The interior is kitschy as all hell but that should be a sign to anyone new there that they are in the right place.

They even serve scrapple, the edible mass that one mostly finds in Yankee establishments but that is actually quite wonderful to eat despite being made from bits that even offal would find awful.

If you get the chance, check out Winter Park Diner, and Christo’s in College Park. If you’re feeling upscale hit the White Wolf Café, a diner in sharper duds that immediately disproves my previous statements on how a diner can be too clean.

You’ll never be let down by breakfast at the diner, even if, like me, you don’t drink coffee, you can live out the iconic American meal at a counter or in a booth in countless similarly bedecked rooms across the country and be transported to a time when it didn’t matter whether eggs were good for you or not because that’s what you’re getting, damnit.

We’re missing a lot of “damnit” in our modern society. We’re too correct and too used to getting exactly what we want, when we want it. At a good diner you’re probably going to be treated with a bit of a sneer by the waitress until you’ve been there often enough to become a regular.

It’s good to get of our collective, and massive, high horse and embrace real food every once in a while. It doesn’t challenge you. It fills you up. Which is exactly what we want from it.

Day 11

2011-04-11T17:54:00.014-04:00

What do we do when we’re afraid? We make up for it with song and dance numbers.

This past weekend I did a couple of things: most pressing is that I missed a day on my writing assignment which means I’ll need to pick up an extra 500 words soon.

Hooray.

The other thing was singing karaoke. Sober.

I’d never sung in such a formal setting without being two to three sheets to the wind. It was exhilarating and overwhelmingly mortifying. It was exacerbated by the venue, Universal Citywalks Rising Star.

It’s much larger than most Karaoke dive bars, and it features a real band performing music for the songs, not a machine. These two factors combine to make it absurdly terrifying.

I have stage fright. I have for a long time. My hands shake, I sweat and I begin listing all of my worst traits in my head. When you’re up there, and you’re me, all you notice is all of your faults are being broadcast through a microphone on a stage with big bright lights.

I sang a song I love immensely: Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.”

Performing this song well requires a few traits I wasn’t immensely gifted with at my birth:
1. Soul
2. Stage Presence
3. A beard

I spent the song with my hands wrapped around the microphone stand like it was the only strand holding me to a quickly receding Earth. I picked a song I knew so that I could spend a lot of time with my eyes closed. I spent as much time in the dark as I could, not looking out at the crowd.

I got a fairly positive response, but with karaoke that can just be from the general positive atmosphere in the room. No one wants anyone to fail in a karaoke bar, and that alone can be very uplifting, but it doesn’t come close to mollifying my overwhelming terror.

I got an equally positive response from the people I was with, but that doesn’t mean anything about my performance, the people I was with are very polite. They wouldn’t tell me I was bad if I had pissed myself and passed out.

All I know is it was terrifying. When considered rationally, the words I’m using are far too powerful to describe my fear in that particular situation, but that completely irrational response is what makes it such a powerful fear.

You get to judge now, and see what all my fear amounted to. This post is under 500 words, but the song can make up the balance.

Day 10...Fiction?

2011-04-09T16:35:00.001-04:00

I've tried many times to get going with one idea or another I have for stories to write. But every time I end up over-immersing myself in the rel world because I tend to dislike how dark my stories turn.

They all tend to abstractly deal with themes like jealousy and the tendency of the human mind to break in the face of powerful negative emotions.

Also by the time I'm done with chapter one I'm convinced everything about anything I'm writing is utter shit and to write another word of them would cost an angel it's wings in some sort of reverse "It's A Wonderful Life" moment.

That is why I'm so enthralled by authors. There is a sort of fearlessness in them, an acceptance of the possibility of epic failure in the face of overwhelming expectations. But the great ones overcome the pressures and potholes to create marvelous pieces of distilled humanity.

I feel one can only walk this line for so long. Some people crumple to public whims like Dan Brown and just produce the same story that made them rich.

Some never recapture any of the spark that made them famous, I think money can have a lot to do with this outcome. It can be hard to write human/relatable characters when you're wallowing in a Scrooge McDuckian pool of gold.

Whatever the reason, it is hard to take what makes one inspired and translate it into something great more than once. It's akin to the proverbial "Lightning in a bottle." It is nearly impossible to do and even harder to do well.

( I'd like to take this moment the point out I'm writing this on an iPad that loves to autocorrect my typos into nonsensical madness. Please excuse any sentences rendered meaningless by poor typing.)

(I'd like to take this moment to recognize that I know most of what I write is already nonsensical madness.)

I have completely lost the thread I was just unraveling and will therefore share some observations of the day:

-My brothers dog, while weighing in at only 25 lbs is stronger than most people I know, he's a bad dude.

-We need to stop allowing republicans to attempt to use the government to impose their religious views.

-Grilled cheese wins every time.

-I'm immensely excited about Bill Simmons website. It features Chuck Klosterman and Simmons which is enough to get me in the door and nearly enough to make me quit all work and school and spend my life following the website around like it's Phish. (Excepting of course that websites don't ever go to Milwaukee for shows.)

-The purchase I've least regretted in my life is my iPhone, it does so much to enable me. In the best and worst possible ways and I dont care to think of where I'd be without it. I know that sounds insane but it is 100% true.

-Patton Oswalt is funnier than anyone in the world right now and if you only know him via King of Queens you should go out and buy his new book "Zombie, Spaceship, Wasteland" and as many of his standup CDs and DVDs as you can find. His new stuff, since he had a daughter, has improved his nearly perfect material by making him more human than ever. Also, you should watch his dramatic film debut in "Big Fan."
He will break your heart.

Day 9 of the endless march to freedom!

2011-04-08T15:00:00.001-04:00

I try to avoid foul language, but it must be said, pushups fucking suck.

In the words of Bart Simpson they somehow manage to suck and blow at the same time.

There was a time when I could do pushups (please note, every time I type that word pronounce it in your head with a derisive snort, as I do) without even thinking about it. I am currently attempting to get my body back to that point. But my body is offering up a dissenting opinion the quest and we are currently locked in a pitched battle over who gets their way.

I fully intend to win, but it has not been easy, it has been quite a hassle actually.

I allowed myself to balloon after high school, becoming a Falstaffian figure faster than I ever would have imagined it possible. Fat happens fast folks.

But I have begun turning that around, and the current burn in my shoulder, gut and thighs tell me I’m at least doing something right. However much I hate it.

*I have no information to back up the following assertions*

I think Facebook is making us less fat as a people.

On my list of friends, seemingly across the board, people seem to be working hard to get into better shape, to lose weight and sculpt and build a body they are proud of…I think it’s because a lot more people can see us whenever they choose to and we want to stop looking fat in pictures.

Science can tell us to eat better and doctors can tell us to hit the gym, but ultimately vanity is what’s going to get us all off our asses and onto an elliptical.

Vanity is something I know well, no matter how unwarranted it may be I am simply one of the most vain people you’ll ever meet.

Kaley, God bless her for accepting it, calls me out quite often for saying absurd things about personal minutiae. You would expect someone as tied-up in themself as I am to be obsessed with their fitness…but we can see that I apparently have all the vanity with none of the wonderful drive that comes with it.

I don’t see what’s wrong with vanity as long as you manage to keep it from hurting other people. I do whatever I can to not hurt people in my day-to-day existence. On the contrary, I want to make people happy whenever I can for the simplest of all reasons: it feels good to do good.

Life is miserable without laughter. That is a very simple way of looking at things because it actually applies to a fair number of things.

Example:
Solitude is miserable because there are only two outcomes with regard to laughter:
1. No one is there to make you laugh, so you don’t laugh. This leads you to spiral into madness.
2. No one is there to make you laugh, so you start laughing at nothing and everything. This leads you to spiral into madness.

So get out there and make people laugh. Dance, monkey, dance! It will make your life better and it will definitely make the other person’s life better.

Day 8, when everything stops making sense.

2011-04-07T20:30:00.001-04:00

Watched more golf today than I have in a long time…and I work for a golf magazine. I’ve watched todays Masters proceedings on an average of 1.5 screens all day. It’s engrossing and the storylines at Augusta are always 10 times more poignant than at any other event on any tour.

Also, I have money on it. But that is neither here now there. Every first timer at Augusta is a dark horse and every old soldier could get his last big score.

It’s all bigger, greener and more important.

I love big sporting events. I hate hockey but I’ll watch the Stanley Cup finals. Baseball means less than nothing to me and the World Series is still fraught with emotion for me.

This is an excellent month for sports, kicking off with the awful NCAA basketball final, following with the Masters, the NBA Playoffs kick off and the UEFA Champions League is nearing completion.

This probably makes me a worse person overall.

I should be watching coverage of our looming government shutdown. I should be following the conflict in Libya and the human-rights crises that are exploding everywhere in the world right now.

But no, I will continue wallowing in athletic abandon. Escaping the world by embracing games that mean nothing to my future, past, or present.

Because I enjoy it, and if you aren’t enjoying yourself you’re doing something wrong.

This is something we try too hard as a people to disprove. We assume unhappiness is a sacrifice that must be made for future happiness. This is incorrect and dangerous.

It’s just inbred to us that we must want more, need more, than we need to get by. We cannot be happy just surviving, we have to keep our eyes ahead with aims to thriving. All that leads us to is more unhappiness because in that system we can’t ever reach a point where we have enough.

I’m not advocating you don’t dream, quite the opposite, do whatever gets you to your dream, not what you’re told to do to get somewhere else that will get you one step closer to a place where you can one day have your dream…when you retire.

If you dream of family, do what you have to so that you can support that family and be comfortable with them. Work hard with the right aims.

We work hard with no aims now, and that’s why everyone is miserable.

(This entire post is nonsense so far, just putting that out there, I don’t think anyone has ever done a worst job of conveying a point than I am right now, but thanks for sticking with it.)

I really can’t put into words what I’m trying to get across. I just want everyone to look at the steps they’re taking and figure out if they lead to a place where you’re happy. Where you’re comfortable with who you are and what you’re doing. Because if you don’t see happiness in where your going, turn around and go somewhere else because you’ll never stop being miserable.

Day 7

2011-04-06T22:19:00.003-04:00

I'm gonna kick it off with more food. I'm going to spend so many words writing about food that I will immediately gain back any weight I have lost, but this day deserves food talk more than any so far. I finally got Kaley to The Ravenous Pig.

Oh, happy day, after months, nay, years, of prodding and cajoling I got my beloved to the only restaurant to date to rate a perfect ten on the Reese Wallace scale of delicious nummyness. (Registered trademark of Reese Wallace and the Disney Corporation.)

I got the soft-shell crab sandwich, an intensely southern and seasonal dish that TRP serves to perfection. As of now, it is the best thing I've had at Julie and James Petrakis' fine establishment. The subtle crunch of the shell and the perfectly fresh lettuce serve to enhance the two stars of the meal. The blue crab and the roasted tomatoes. It is unholy good and is served well by the incredible truffle fries that accompany most of the lunch fare.

Kaley got the mussels and fries. If there is one thing you'll notice of Kaley and my food adventures it is that we are very much seafood people. Both of us, born and raised in the state the ocean is trying to swallow, know we must do our part to eat as much as we can from the encroaching sea. The mussels are served with a garlic aioli. Before I describe this item, know that I considered it perfect as a companion for the mussels and the fries and would not speak ill of it. Kaley hit the nail on the head when describing the taste I could not put my finger on. It is the big brother of the Papa Johns garlic dipping sauce, if that buttery goo was balanced, subtle and incredibly satisfying.

The mussels are served in a broth made with a belgian beer, it could be served as it's own drink. It is stellar, sweet and savory. Perfect with the mussels, which were of excellent quality and only two of the bunch were unopened when they reached Kaley's table. They remained closed when they left.

Kaley was heartbroken upon finishing her meal to discover that she too would have to give the restaurant a perfect score. Because she knew it would cause my immeasurable ego to expand a bit more, like an exploding star swallowing a planet.

But the meals offered by The Ravenous Pig are not only perfectly designed and executed, but they are the most important meals one can get in the Orlando area because they are the first sign of a real food culture. Local chefs with restaurants that we can brag to the world about.

I cannot speak enough of The Ravenous Pig, and no one who reads this can eat there often enough. If we support Ravenous Pig, there may be a Rapacious Donkey down the road or a Voracious Hippopotamus that could offer greater dining experiences still.

So get out there, eat and drink until you cannot eat or drink. Then have one of Ravenous Pigs stellar and inexpensive desserts, because...hey, you've earned it.

Day 6

2011-04-05T19:02:00.005-04:00

Now comes the inevitable 6 day slump...It is a thing and people have heard of it, so stop giving me those looks.

I will one day finish that book review section, but that day is not today. Nor will today be a restaurant review.

I'd like to start off by celebrating the fact that Mad Men has been renewed, if you haven't been watching Mad Men than stop what you're doing, drop out of school or quit your job or both and watch all of them in a dark room with several boxes of Captain Crunch. If you haven't had Captain Crunch...get out of here, go and never look back.

The show is coming back for at least two seasons and I cannot even put into words how great that news is for the world, the world is tipping perilously close to destruction via it's overwhelming douchedom and the renewal of Mad Men is a weight for the side of good.

Don Draper is an incredible character and I thought he came into his own this past season showing more humor and humanity and behaving like a crazy person for just a little bit, which we all need to do sometimes.

As we right this I am watching TV with Kaley, very content right now. We just finished watching James May's Road Trip on BBC America. Another interesting show and one that hits me at the right time. I've made it a personal goal to be able to experience wine better. No, I don't want to sit around discussing high notes and hints of vanilla, but I do want to learn what I like in wine.

I've found out so far that I am a red guy, starting with the ever-popular cabernet sauvignon I have tried to taste cabs from different places and see whats different from bottle to bottle and what I like most in my wines. It's an interesting process but this week's James May's Road Trip addressed something even more important. How to pair wine with food. I love to eat, as anyone who has seen me in the last 3-4 years can attest based solely on my, now-receding, gut.

But this process, pairing booze with foods amazes me and the show started on the perfect foot, pairing a white with oysters, God's perfect creation. It is apparently hard to pair wine with oysters because of the oyster's primordial flavor, but they walk you through it and end up with the right wine to compliment the sea's version of diamonds.

I want to be able to drink wine just well enough to pair it with my meals, and not just wine, but beer and booze. Dean Martin served his hamburgers with a chilled shot of bourbon, this is what I want. The perfect balance of meat and alcohol. This is my dream and this is why I continue drinking...(this is the only reason I continue drinking, I promise, that's it.)

Also, made a grilled cheese last week that was nearly perfect. Made simply with olive oil, mozzarella and sourdough, simple, delicious and horrible for me. But all the best food in the world wants your heart to explode. That is just science, I promise.

Day 3…and 4

2011-04-03T18:59:00.000-04:00

Poor form, Reese, poor form.

I already fell off the wagon. Last night instead of writing I went out drinking. This is bad, though for some reason I think Hemingway would have agreed with my choice for two reasons:
1. He really loved drinking.
2. He’d probably prefer I not unleash any more torrents of nonsense on the world.
But who cares what Ernie thinks, he’s been dead for decades and I have to write 1,000 words today… Here we go.

I left off with a book review, but I’m going to push that off until tomorrow in favor of some rambling.

“People who are never bored make very boring people.” – Eric Tegethoff

My oldest friend and I had a long talk about this idea, that we’re constantly given ways to keep busy and therefore never have to deal with boredom and the self-expansion that comes from having to entertain one’s self.

Who needs introspection when you can put down your iPad, pick up your laptop for 10 minutes, put it down and watch TV before playing X-Box with your laptop on Hulu...This is a standard weekend morning for me. I believe it’s probably pretty dangerous.

I was wondering before I started this project why it seemed so much harder to write now than it did when I was younger. The answer is multi-part, as are most things nowadays, but it became much clearer thanks to this conversation and the intervention of Harry Morrall.

I used to have to do things when I was younger, had to go and be places, sometimes places I didn’t want to be, sometimes places I adored, but I had to be there and doing those things, this is the first reason it was easier to write: I had more experiences to write about.

The second stems from my bouts with depression, the biggest outcome for me has been a lack of self-certainty. Not self-confidence, I’m still confident I can do most things. But I’m not certain I can successfully complete any given action.

I used to do a lot of hugging. I was very comfortable with physical contact with people ranging from family to random acquaintances, now that I’m older and less sure of myself, I tend to behave awkwardly when I see people I would have wrapped up just a few years ago.

This has made me less interesting in a lot of ways because it translates much farther than hugging. It has made me far less dynamic in general, and I couldn’t afford to lose dynamism. I used it when I was younger to cover up a lot of personality flaws.

Now I believe I’ve worked past a good number of those flaws...but at what cost? Am I truly better off?

So when we factor in my lack of interesting activities with my lack of interesting personality it equals up to hard times writing.

Enter Kaley. My darling girlfriend has got me up off my ass and doing things again, which is unspeakably great. Our trip to Blue Springs/Mt. Dora was something you couldn’t have paid me to do a short time ago, and now it is one of my favorite memories of the last few months.

We got to see some beautiful things, I got a solid workout and I got back outside, which I think is what my generation is missing. We don’t experience nature the same way. It used to be that places like Yosemite, The Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls were spiritual experiences, now we treat them as photo-ops and kitsch markets.

That lack of sense of scale is noticeable in that it perfectly describes our growing egos. It used to be we knew we’re beholding something larger and more ancient than we are. Now we see and compare but don’t experience, which is heartbreaking.

So that’s my new goal, experience things. When I go out to eat, get something different and spend some time acquainting myself with tastes. Try and overcome my ego and prejudices to actually talk to people and engage them. Try and see things and really experience them, not just watch them.

Kaley and I are setting out to do this in a grand way this summer. Our trip to San Francisco is built around the idea that we’re going to eat, and walk, and bike, and see things we can’t get here. Yes I’m going to In-N-Out Burger, but that’s because it’s something we don’t have where I’m from, and I want different food.

No chains that we have here. No generic experiences. We’ll go to see Alcatraz but we have to take it upon ourselves to take something different away than we’re supposed to. Kaley is really good at doing that, she experiences things so uniquely it makes me pretty jealous.

Things I’m extremely psyched about for the trip:
1. Biking to Sausalito
2. Tricking Kaley into spending 500 bucks on a meal at French Laundry (probably won’t happen)
3. Ferry back from Sausalito
4. Bread bowls
5. Going to Muir woods and seeing trees that were there before anyone I know was born and will be there well after I am gone.

I just want to do what I can to have a better way of experiencing the world, because I’m happier when I’m doing things, sitting around long enough leads to depression.

I’d like to congratulate Kaley on her new job, I can finally say I am dating a working girl and it doesn’t mean what it sounds like! She has a hard job and will have to interact almost daily with a grown man that asks her to refer to him as Crispy Critter, but I think she’ll enjoy it.

I really lost the thread on this one, never really addressed Eric and my conversation but I’m ok with that. I like it when it goes off the rails, leads to better self-inspection.

Everyone do something this week that makes them terribly uncomfortable...headstands for me.

Day 2

2011-04-01T21:56:00.001-04:00

Books of the moment:

I am currently reading the following books:
“Carter Beats the Devil” by Glen David Gould
“Clean” by Alejandro Junger
“Memoirs of General William T. Sherman” by William Tecumseh Sherman
“Don’t Sleep, There Are Snakes” by Daniel L. Everett

I am at different points in each book but will give me views on them below:
(depending on how much I get out of this, it may get broken into two parts.)

Carter Beats the Devil
I love historical fiction, If it is populated by real people interacting with fictional characters, I’m going to eat it up.
Forrest Gump: Loved it.
Any Human Heart (The BBC Series, just bought the book though): Thought it was exemplary.

Carter Beats the Devil follows that trend, featuring (so far) the death of Warren G. Harding as the inciting incident and Houdini as a very important friend/mentor/competitor to the main character Charles Carter.

Carter is a traveling magician who utilizes President Harding in the final portion of his act, the titular “Carter Beats the Devil.”

In the hours after the show, President Harding is found dead and Carter is a suspect, from there we go into Carters past and I am in the middle of this portion of the book.

It is wildly enjoyable so far and I’ve grown to adore the character of Charles Carter who is a wonderful hero. He is basically good, but not flawless and that alone makes for a human and enjoyable character.

More to come on this book.

Clean
“Clean” is that rarest of occurrences in American literature, a diet book. I have been, as some of you reader (the singular is intentional) may know, on a quest to get back down to my High School weight.

That will put me down 60 pounds from where I started, currently I am just over half way there. I am down 33 pounds and am turning to “Clean” to help me along the way.

I’m not going to lie; it feels like a bit of a cult. It is a program by Alejandro Junger who is arguing that most of our illness, unhealthiness, etc. is caused by toxicity in our own bodies and aims to vanquish that.

I am trying to overhaul my diet in general. I’ve cut out soda, I’m trying to eat more vegetables and smaller and fewer servings of red meat.

I will never go full vegetarian because that sounds awful and I love meat. Someday, someone is going to use the end of that last sentence out of context to question my marriage.

Back to “Clean”, the methodology seems sound, but extreme. I am fundamentally against anything that tries to make me an introvert by forcing me to eat in. I love food and I love enjoying food in public because other people are much more talented than I am in the kitchen.

I love good food and refuse this program because so much of it wants me to eat in and use his meals.

Ok folks, part two tomorrow.

The big 5-0...0

2011-03-31T19:50:00.008-04:00

500 words.

500 words a day from now until my birthday on April 30. That is my goal between now and the kickoff of my 23rd year.

That's not so much, the Pledge of Allegiance is 31 words, if I posted it ten times I'd be over 3/5 of the way there. If I posted "We Didn't Start the Fire" I'd have an entire 400. So this ought to be a walk in the park. As long as I'm allowed to insert a chorus every few paragraphs.

Note to self: write chorus for blog posts.

Things that have caught my interests this week:
Taxes
Seersucker Ties
San Francisco Car Rental Rates
The LA Dodgers

Taxes are an obvious choice as we are a scant two weeks from tax day and I am sure to be losing my ass to my beloved nation.
Seersucker ties feel summery, this week had summer potential and then turned into the biblical flood.
The Dodgers and Car rentals are both tied to the trip I intend to take this summer with Kaley.

Now, onto the meat of the post.

One of the common occurrences in these posts will be me reviewing. Reviewing restaurants, booze, movies and tv shows that interest me in the coming month. Today's post will be Tibby's New Orleans Kitchen.

Nestled in a shopping plaza in Winter Park, Tibby's is a welcome addition to a burgeoning dining culture in Orlando. While not as creative or delicious as The Ravenous Pig (nothing I've had in the Orlando Metro Area is) Tibby's brings a few things to the table that ought not be discounted.

First among them is Beignets, Tibby's is the first person I know of to bring NOLA's famed fried dough to Orlando and for that we should be throwing them a parade. Tibby's Beignets are sweet, flaky and (when eaten warm) a wonderful way to end a meal.

Second to be recognized is the Etoufee. I went for the Crawfish version of the dish and I made a wonderful choice.
The Roux is rich and warms you up like the heartiest of beef stew and the rice, while sticky, helps create a cohesive flavor that is good from spoonful number one all the way through to soaking up left over roux with garlic bread.

Kaley got a Po' Boy, fare that can be found across the cracker regions of Florida and is as much tied with this state as with NOLA.
Tibby's does a fair job on their version though it is missing some things that tend to separate good from great. I feel like a toasted bun is key to a transcendent Po' Boy, while Tibby's offers up a wonderfully soft and delicious hoagie, it doesn't deliver quite the same punch as the crunch of a well toasted bun. The batter they use for frying has balanced if somewhat bland seasoning. But the Oysters are fried to perfection. One can really do no wrong with God's perfect food when it is breaded and fried.

Overall, Tibby's knows what it is doing, it isn't reinventing or deconstructing New Orlean's cuisine, it's bringing classic flavores to an area that has been impoverished up until this point. I applaud the meal and give it an 8.5 out of 10.

Day 5 - Tolla's Offers Cost-Effective Classics

2011-02-23T19:37:00.008-05:00

In the (paraphrased) words of Dean Martin, "That's acceptable."

Many restaurants that pride themselves on their innovation, on the fact that they take what the diner is used to and turn it on them. Tolla's is not one of those restaurants...and that's not so bad.

Located on the outskirts of Park Avenue in Winter Park, Tolla's is wonderfully set up restaurant. The outside dining area seemed loud and busy, which all outside dining areas should be. Kaley and I ate inside, where it was nice and quiet, albeit small.

This was during my water fast so I contented myself with h2o and set out to order my appetizer at this new restaurant. I went for the Italian classic: French Onion Soup. Off the bat I'm exhibiting poor Italian restaurant form, no wine, french soup and I didn't even have a moustache!

The French Onion Soup was exceptional though, the deliciously simple meal item is defined for me by the balance of salt and seasoning in the broth and the crouton, oh the crouton, it was wonderful at Tolla's, despite it's nationally confused appetizers, Tolla's was off to a great start.

Next came the main course, I went with Manicotti stuffed to bursting with ricotta and drenched in a red sauce that was just like someone's mom may have one time made.

It was simple, the type of food one associates with a stereotypical Italia filled with Vespa-riding rogues in suits with weirdly thin arm holes and stupid looking shoulders. But in that simple version of Italy one can find some truly delightful food, especially if one loves salt. Which I do.

As illustrated in the picture, I didn't even stop to photograph my meal, opting instead to put an impossible hurting on my manicotti and go radio-silent for 10 minutes while I ate without looking up.

Even trying to lose weight I'm still a John Goodman level fat kid at heart.

This is the type of food you devour. The tastes are so familiar you don't have to savor and swish and analyze. You're never asking "...is that cardamom I taste?" because you know it isn't, you know it's parsley, basil, oregano and NaCl galore. Oh such salt you'll never taste.

The meal is familiar, even simple, but delicious. I could eat Tolla's often and with great vigor and never get tired of it, but it is not a life changing meal. Overall, I give it a 7.5.

Lastly I'd like to point out that they have, for some reason, candles that look like the Star of David...this doesn't mean anything but was distracting to the point that every table around me, including the be-douched table of Bluetoothed bluebloods was in a titter over the strange piece of decorum. Weird little candle.

I lied about it being the last thing. I want to mention the gusy with the blueteeth (has to be the plural, right? It can’t be bluetooths.) I don’t have the same problem most people seem to have with the magic earbuds, but if you’re at a meal…put them the the hell away. It’s the same as having your phone to your ear at a meal, and if you have any sense you wouldn’t do that. So quit it, assholes.

To make up for my outburst, here's the candle:

Declaration of Fanhood

2010-11-30T19:21:00.000-05:00

Those who follow my ramblings may be (but are certainly not) aware that during the 2009 NFL draft I renounced my fandom of the of the Jacksonville Jaguars (henceforth referred to as the Jerkuars) because they chose not to draft Michael Crabtree.

Since that date I have been searching for an NFL program to support. I am glad to announce my search has ended. I will be giving my current allegiance to the New York Jets.

But that isn't to say they are forever my team, because my allegiance will be tied from now on to wherever Rex Ryan resides.

The reason is simple: Rex Ryan is the best thing in the NFL, by a long way.

He's a good coach, let's get that out of the way, he has succeeded in turning the Jets into an actual football team again, which is impressive in its own right.

His success is only a small part of my forsworn allegiance. My reasons will follow:

1. He's a bastard in the Steve Spurrier sense of the word and it's been my experience as a Gator that you'd rather be cheering for that bastard than getting beat by him.

2. He seems like he enjoys his job and recognizes his luck in being a man who coaches sports for a living.

3. Doesn't take shit off of his players. (Or anyone.)

4. This: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/085e8e2713/rex-ryan-vs-snacks

5. See item 4, seriously he's awesome.

So let's make this official...

I, Daniel Reese Wallace, hereby forswear my allegiance to Rex Ryan in all his endeavors.

Alright, let's go eat a snack.

Can America vote on your love?

2009-11-04T14:10:00.001-05:00

In the light of Maine voting down its same-sex marriage law and banning the institution from its borders, I was brought back to this issue and chose to state my opinion.

I don’t believe same sex marriage is a state issue. I don’t believe it’s a national issue. I believe it’s a \human rights issue. I believe that two consenting adults have the right to do what they want with their love. I believe that if they are not harming anyone, NO ONE should have any say. And beyond all that, I believe the constitution agrees with me. Conservatives decry the interference of government into our day to day lives, but they then turn around and outlaw a show of commitment between, and I want to be clear that this is what makes it wrong TWO CONSENTING ADULTS WHO ARE NOT HURTING ANYONE.

Every argument I’ve ever heard against gay marriage is a religious argument. No matter how they cloak it, it comes down to the conservative view of the “sanctity of marriage.” Or to translate into Mississippian “It weren’t Adam and Steve.”

This comes down on the same side of the coin as racial discrimination. It is effectively: “Homosexuals/Blacks/Jews are different and therefore bad.” This ideology is foolish at best and full-fledged hate at worst. Marriage is not a purely religious bond and therefore should not be conferred any measure “sanctity.”

If it is to have ANY recognition by the U.S. government as a union than it should not be considered limited by religion. A Jewish marriage in America is the same as a Christian marriage in America. This is because if two consenting adults want to be married, their beliefs should have no effect on how the state views its consummation.

Therefore, I propose that if we are not to recognize marriage between two adults of the same gender with the exact same benefits and rights accorded to those heterosexual couples, than we shouldn’t recognize heterosexual marriage either.

It is not a new idea, nor is it as stupid as one believes. If we recognize one without the other we practice blatant and unrepentant discrimination in the nation that built itself on the ideals of “freedom.”

Religion extends as far as the top of your head and the tips of your fingers. In no way are you entitled to push your belief on anyone and it is a sign of weakness to me when one must scream their faith at others instead of practicing it for themselves.

This issue will have a just conclusion. In history, every time a staunch and idiotic mass has attempted to deny rights to a group with a valid view, they have eventually been thwarted. Homosexual marriage will eventually be the same as interracial marriage is today. Was once illegal to the point of heresy, it is now a widely accepted practice that only causes the eyelashes to bat at the fringes of our culture.

I’ve gone on quite a bit, but at this point I’d like to ask those opponents of gay marriage. Why? What are your reasons for not supporting it? Does it cheapen heterosexual marriage? Does it just make you uncomfortable? If it is your religion, why should that matter to a country whose government is, by design, not religious?

I always want to learn more and understand better what people think, especially people who disagree with me, because despite what my rampant egomania may think, I can be wrong. So please try and prove me wrong, but if you plan on trying, I only ask that you keep an open mind, and don’t spit dogma at me, give me reason and I’ll give it back.

Dithering or Deciding?

2009-08-19T09:57:00.001-04:00

I’ve watched the last few weeks as President Barack Obama has been given his highest level of scrutiny to date by most of the press regarding his plan for healthcare reform (for the sake of argument I’m leaving out Faux news and MSNBC, think of it as dropping the highest and lowest score.)

One of the noticeable lines of discussion has been that the democrats have not been able to present a unified front due to disagreement within the party.

This is perhaps the best news I’ve heard for the administration since President Clinton’s retrieval 0f the imprisoned journalists. Because it shows that the Democrats are now the big tent party, the party of yes and the party of ideas.

The republicans have, since the presidential election, been unable to represent anything other than an antithesis to whatever the democrats think, they barely even form opinions, they just yell no.

But the inability to agree as a unit without discussion, debate and revision is a good thing for America. It means the ruling party aren’t marching in lockstep without discussion as they had when the Bush administration foisted a war on its people without any one speaking up from within the party.

I want any of the three to five people who stumble onto this blog over the course of the next 9 months to know this.
America needs real debate. We need compromise and study, its how our constitution was put together and how our country was built.

Next time you get into that argument with your political counterpoint, listen, don’t reload. Don’t pick three words from a manifesto and go against them on that. Argue your point, argue it well, but listen to your opponent and give everything a dispassionate once over before responding.

Until next time,
-Reese

"Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all." - Douglas Adams

2009-06-23T00:00:00.002-04:00

I'm disgusted by two things right now.

1. My yahoo news has a headline regarding Jon and Kate of plus 8 fame. Apparently they are getting a divorce. That is of course heartbreaking as any marriage being dissolved is nothing to laugh about. But what bothers me is these people are considered celebrities and this is considered news.

But that means nothing when compared to the second item raising my ire...

2. They will continue the show.

This is appalling, the horror of a divorce is something impossibly hard for a family to handle. A family as young and as large as this one is sure to have a rough time of it. Especially when the parents are vitriol spewing media hounds.

But to have to suffer through this desparately sad and intensely personal event in front of cameras reminds us that the true tragedy here is that these poor children have no say in the ordeal they're being thrown into and have been thrown into since the show debuted.

I am tired of this. Our cult of personality is inching ever closer to bloodsport and the exploitation of these children is a further sign of our decay. I've dedicated too many words to these terrible individuals. I am so sorry for these children. They may somehow end up well-adjusted and whole, but thanks to their parents I tend to doubt it.

Until later...

-Reese

So it begins...

2009-06-12T11:31:00.003-04:00

This blog will be home to my ongoing attempts at futile self improvement. I'm going to be putting at least three posts a week. The post will be words, not necessarily of a certain caliber, but at least in English. I will post fiction, commentaries, musings and nonsense. I hope this exercise in vanity will lend some insight into my life and help me fine tune myself.

I'll begin with some preaching.

The America I've grown up knowing is summed up properly in one phrase: Why do I care?

We are a nation of me-firsters and bottom-liners who step forth each day and ask not what we can do for our country, but what our country can do for us.

We could be a beacon, heroes who lift the hopes of listless world onto their shoulders and, like plow horses, pull them forward into the new future.
But instead, we sit back on our haunches, fat and lazy. Greedy. Slothful. Vengeful. Any number of cardinal sins can be used to describe the state of America, and to describe the state of me personally.

That's why we have work to do. We need to get down to fighting weight. We need to find our limits mentally, physically and emotionally. Then we need to shatter those limits and leap to new heights and see greater vistas.

This past presidential election we witnessed a so-called unprecedented level of civic interest and activity. Even so, the voting level hovered around 56%, less than two-thirds of our population turned out to decide an election with regard to the leadership of our country and we were ecstatic as a nation.

America, the nation of Fulton, Lincoln, Armstrong and Ruth. I don’t know when that fact became something we used as an excuse not to jump ahead but to run in place. But we have, have always had, the ability to be the ideal. We are a country with the astounding luck to have been settled in a land which can provide us full independence and sustainability.

Instead we have clung to the old ways when we could be escaping the binds not only of foreign oil, but of foreign influence. We should be leading, not bartering with others and being held hostage by goods and services. We can’t sell the world on mom, apple pie and freedom until we show them what a good thing it is.

I know how great it is that I can wake up in the morning, open my door and say what I want, pray to who I see fit and read newspapers that call our elected leader an idiot and not fear governmental reprisal. But what does that mean when we don’t speak out.

People still starve in America. They die of the flu and sleep outside because they are without homes.

Tell me why that’s ok.

Tell me why someone should go through that, and tell me why when the government and its people very much have the ability to help, they don’t, instead pushing for “bipartisanship” with regards to who gets the tax cut and who gets the biggest slice of pie.

We were founded on the promises of Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But we ignore that in honor of our desire to do something for ourselves. I do it. You do it. We all do. But it's causing our nation to fall behind. The greatest civilizations in history fell due to two things.

1. Ego
2. Failure to Innovate.

We are hurtling headlong into our own country's fall from grace. If we do not make major changes we will cease to be powerful or relevant. The idea that America is dependent on anything beyond our borders should appall all of us because we have the capacity to do so much. But first we need to change a lot.